Hi,

I'm ROCKY RACCOON. I have been missing since early may. My captors ask me to write this letter to assure you, I am alive and well. Quite frankly I have never been better! Whops, I wasn't suppose to say that. Oh well, sence the cats, I mean raccoons out of the bag. I love you Daddy but lets face it, vegetarian sausage is not what raccoons consider a delicacy. Also there are only so many ways you can make pasta. I have never ate so well. I had forgotten what it was like to bite into a scrap of bloody rare animal flesh (with a little Heinz 57). And need I mention the over abundance of Heineken has not exactly been torturous.

Well back to the point, my captors demands are:

1. Get off the net so they can at least get through on the phone.
2. or get voice mail for crying out loud!
3. $7.38 in unmarked bills.

My demands are:

1. Dad, I don't want to be a vegetarian anymore.
2. I want meat for dinner.
3. I want meat for lunch.
4. I want real bacon for breakfast.